The Cimmerian and the Pony
by Ungol The Goblin
Summary: Lyra, in an attempt to visit a world full of humans, accidentally transports herself to Earth's Hyborian age! There she meets you, a barbarian. The two of you have a series of misadventures. This is a second person narrative featuring you and Lyra. (I may change this story's rating to mature later on, there will be bloody scenes)


You're name is Bram, and you live in the Hyborian age. Your father, who you do not know, was an Aesir. Your mother was a Pictish witch. Before you were born your father was part of an Aesir raiding party ravaging much of southern Vanaheim. When your father's party was ambushed by the Vanir he escaped into the Pictish wilderness, where he met your mother and left her with child. That child was you, and as your mother fled east, she carried you to Cimmeria, fearing the wrath of her father the chieftain. It was there that she died, but not before telling her story to your adopted tribe. It was this tribe that took you in and raised you as one of their own.

You lived with your tribe in southern Cimmeria until the day you became a man. It was then that you heard tales of your fellow Cimmerian, Conan, great stories of his exploits, the adventures, the treasure, _the women_. You wanted a part of this adventuring business. As soon as you could you gathered a few belongings, some weapons, and your fur cloak and headed off in search of adventure. What you don't know is, just what exactly you're getting yourself into.

You steadily make your way down the snowy hillside, your large fur cloak giving you a larger, bulkier appearance. At your belt are a hatchet, and a short sword, your only weapons. You have yet to leave Cimmeria, but already you feel the excitement, wenches and gold lie ahead, yet you know not how far, but you know they're there. Whilst you muse you become aware of a voice, far off in the distance. Your keen ears tell you that the voice is female and seems to be in a state of distress, clearly a woman in need of rescue. You smile to yourself and draw your sword, skulking forth.

As you get closer you can make out the sound of raucous laughter and pleading. The woman, whoever she is, speaks in a strangely accented dialect of Nemedian.

"There seems to be some sort of mistake here I-oh that looks sharp-please let me go-look I'm not from around here, I'd appreciate it if-eep!"

You've heard enough. Peering down the hill you see a campfire. Surrounding the fire are four men, Nemedians by the look of it. They seem to be menacing something inside a crudely made cage. The dark of night, and the blur of the campfire obscures its contents, but you can (barely) make out a shivering, huddled shape. You assume this to be the woman. As if on cue her voice comes from the vicinity of the cage.

"Look I understand you're probably frightened of me, but I assure you I come in peace!" the woman speaks up

"And I assure you" one of the Nemedians responds "We do not"

There is a bout of cruel laughter.

"Enough talk, remove the horn already, it should fetch a hefty fee, and I'd like to leave these damnable hills"

Nemedian is not your first language, so you are quite sure you misunderstood what the brigand said. But you notice one of the bandits approaching the cage, knife in hand, and you spring into action.

With a fearsome battle roar you deftly leap down from your perch, sword in one hand, hatchet in the other, and charge the Nemedians. The first one has scarcely any time to react as your sword severs his throat; the remaining three turn their attention to you. Two of them draw curved swords, the other a spear. You hurl yourself upon your foes.

The spear wielder is first to meet you, he stabs at you, but you swiftly step aside and bringing you sword down, you slice his spear in two. One of the sword wielder swings at you, but you duck your head just in time and your hatchet embeds itself in his skull and sticks, you leave it. The second sword wielder attacks and the two of you begin a bout of swordplay. Blade meets blade as you each try to outmaneuver the other.

The spear wielder grabs the blade of his fallen companion and rushes you from behind. Nimbly as a mountain gazelle you spring out of the way just in time for the two Nemedians to collide. One of them falls, blood leaking from his chest unto the snow. The other charges you again; you swiftly pry the hatchet from the face of the first sword wielder and throw it.

There's a scream and a gurgle and a spray of blood as the axe buries itself into the Nemedian's chest.

You take a moment to catch your breath. There is a whimpering from inside the cage. With one swift motion you sever the crude bindings holding it together. The door swings open. For the first time you see what is inside the cage. No woman, but a strange animal. It is small, and covered in mud and dirt, and flecks of sea green colored hairs sprout sporadically from its matted pelt. Its head is large and ungainly looking, and its eyes are huge. A small horn emerges from its forehead. It regards you cautiously and shivers, whether from fear or from cold you cannot tell. The animal is strange, but you can investigate it later.

Maybe the woman is somewhere else, maybe you frightened her. You sheathe your weapons.

"Hello?" You ask, looking around "You are safe, I will not harm you, come out"

You are aware of the animal as it slowly emerges from its cage. You are not concerned by it, however, it appears to be harmless enough.

"Hello?" you ask again

"Hi!" a voice chirps from below.

Looking down you see the strange animal peering back up at you with its large yellow eyes. It seems calmer now, almost relieved, but it is still shivering a bit.

You stare back down at it. There is an uncomfortably long silence. The creature looks down at its legs, shuffles a bit uncomfortably for a while and looks back up. What happens next, however, shocks you.

The creature looks right at you and talks!

"Uh…Hello? Hi, my name is Lyra, thanks for-"

"Crom! A demon horse!" You shout drawing your short sword.

"Where!?" The equine devil screams and bolts between your legs. You are momentarily stunned. You were not expecting some demon to be so cowardly. You stand there, sword still in hand.

The horse monster recovers first.

"Ohhhhhh, you meant me! Don't worry I'm not a demon, I'm not even a horse, I'm a pony, a unicorn to be specific and…uhhhhh why are you looking at me like that?"

You just continue to stare at the small creature, unsure of what to make of this.

"I understand you've probably never seen anything like me before, but I assure you tha-"

"Horses do not talk"

"…well good thing I'm a pony then…I'm actually glad I met you, I have sooooooo many questions to ask you an-oh wait, sorry I didn't get your name"

You cautiously look down at the so called pony.

"Bram"

"It's very nice to meet you Bram!" The horse creature chirps happily "You're so much nicer than those other guys I- Thanks for saving me by the way- I just…uhhhh" She looks at the bodies of the Nemedians.

"Th-they're just…uh, knocked out right?"

"Knocked out?"

"You know, unconscious?"

"Aye they sleep"

"Oh good I-"

"They sleep the sleep of death"

The Pony monster's face becomes pale.

"Oh" the creature looks a bit distressed.

"Is this your first sight of blood?" you ask, genuinely confused at the monster's behavior.

"In this large a quantity yes" She squeaks. "Could we maybe…uh, talk someplace else? I'm feeling a little queasy"

X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X- X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

You have no idea why you decided to humor the horse monster, as soon as you got out of sight of the bodies she just kept talking, and talking, _and talking_.

"So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself here, luckily I was correct in my estimation, this world does, indeed, house humans. Unfortunately, my first encounter didn't seem to go too well…" the pony demon looks down at her front legs for a bit before brightening up "but then you came and rescued me! Thank you sooooo much! I just have so many questions! What's it like being a human? What are your customs? Is it true that you eat meat? What do-"

"I tire of this" you announce standing up, you begin to walk away. It has become clear to you that the horse monster is hopelessly stupid, and therefore, a waste of your time.

"Wh-Wha? Wait! Where are you going? You can't just leave me here!"

You just keep walking.

The pony creature rushes in front of you.

"Please!" she looks up at you hopefully "Pleeeeaaasssseeee?"

You grunt, reach down and grab the green demon by the horn, lift her up, and look directly into her bright golden eyes.

"You are wasting my time creature" you snort "I have no time for little horse demons"

You hold her there for a few seconds, waiting for a response. Her face is still for a while. Then you see tears start to form at the corners of her eyes.

"B-b-but I-I-"she looks at you, and you have to admit, she looks so pathetic you almost feel sorry for her. "B-but I…I-we just met and-I … just wanted to meet a human a-and talk a-and *sniff* I d-don't know how to get back home"

For the most part you manage a straight face.

"I-It's just that… well this world is kinda…dangerous a-and I *sniff* I don't want to be alone"

Oddly the thought of this demon coming to harm upsets you, but you do not know why. While you do want to protect this creature, you want treasure and adventure more. This equine thing would only get in the way.

You drop the green monster into the snow and begin to walking away again, trying not to look back. You have to fight the compulsion to turn around and aid the pitiful creature. You have never felt anything like this before and you don't like it. It is the tradition of your tribe that those that can't protect themselves have no right to live. Nature will take care of them. Yet oddly, you find the idea of this creature perishing to be…_distressing_. You know not why.

The Green monster rushes in front of you a second time.

"Wait! Please, just wait! I-Uh… I had this on me when I teleported here, it isn't much but-"

The demon's horn begins to glow and slowly, floating in front of her, comes a ruby, a large ruby, almost the size of your thumb. It has a glowing outline and floats just in front of you. Your hand instinctively reaches for the hilt of your sword and you take a step back. You stare at the hovering gemstone for a while. What sorcery is this?

You reach out gingerly and grasp the gem. It's real. You stare down at it in amazement. You are unsure how much such a gem would fetch in a market but you know it's a lot.

"Mr. Bram? Sir?" the pony monster squeaks, timidly "I-it's not enough is it? I…I'm sorry I wasted your time" the creature says dejectedly.

"By Crom! Where did you get such a jewel!?"

"What? That ruby? Oh it came with an old dress I had, it fell off a while ago, I've been meaning to get it reattached an-wait… do you like it?"

"It will fetch a high price indeed" you mutter, still astonished.

"Oh…Oh! Oh well in that case I have plenty of old dresses back on my world! Listen if we can find a way to return me to my world I can bring you back a lot of gemstones."

You look from the ruby back to the pony demon. This could work out after all.

"Alright, you protect me, and help me find a way back home, and I'll bring all my old dresses back here. Deal?" she holds out a hoof.

You look at the ruby in your hand, and then you look back at the pony, then back at the ruby, then to the pony again. With some reluctance you reach down and shake her hoof.


End file.
